Today, the CS-Group of the Professional Institute of the Public Service of Canada posted Contract Negotiations Update #16. We have been without a contract for 11 months (a pittance really, in the grand scheme of things).
Many issues are on the block - Contracting Out, Severance Pay, IT Service Consolidation to Shared Services Canada, Training, and of course, Pay. Don't be fooled. It is ALWAYS about the pay. No matter what they tell you, it is ALWAYS about the pay. Union members will sell each other's souls for the right pay raise. I've seen it happen. I'll see it happen again.
Many issues are on the block - Contracting Out, Severance Pay, IT Service Consolidation to Shared Services Canada, Training, and of course, Pay. Don't be fooled. It is ALWAYS about the pay. No matter what they tell you, it is ALWAYS about the pay. Union members will sell each other's souls for the right pay raise. I've seen it happen. I'll see it happen again.
But, in fun and for the amusement of my PIPSC Union Brothers and Sisters (and I can hardly contain the chuckles as I write that), I have prepared a redux of sorts, of the bulletin contents.
My friends, I give you Bargaining Update 16 - A trip through the ages...
My friends, I give you Bargaining Update 16 - A trip through the ages...
How they think this sounds...
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How it plays in Musgravetown...
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Treasury Board:
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Hark! What for doth though labour, and in turn, desire recompense?
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Now Byes – was you fellers tinks you gets paid for anyway?
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CS Bargaining Team:
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Do not place trial on our temper, cozening villains! Retrieve the elder scrolls from conclaves of past fortnights!
There remain a decimal by thrice of charges and countenance – What say you?!
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Don’t temp me Townie! Go get me dem books from dat last Bingo game! Be quick afore I knocks you upside da head!
Dere’s tirty odd tings you ain’t said nuttin’
bout yet!
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TB:
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We grow weary of your deadening oration. What of our contrary proffer?
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Stop barkin’ your lies bye, you’re givin’ me a migraine! You ain’t heard a ting we said anyways!
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CSBT:
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From this day forth, there shall not be usurpation of coined tasks. This land cannot abide the trespasses of interlopers!
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Dose buggers from Fortune better get gone! Dems our jobs ere, buddy!
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TB:
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We entertain no congress that would have you stripped of profit. Must we sully parchment with such distrust?
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Gwan my son – s’pose a fella’s word no good no more, Wha?
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CSBT:
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And what of those travellers from untold lands? We would count them as ourselves – will their conflict spoils be honoured?
Forsooth! Nay will earth be ceded to mute scurrilous cries!
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Now, we got buddies comin from Hermitage, down da Bay, see. You gonna treat dem same as us? Cause we ain’t givin’ up nutting to nobody by da Lard Tunderin’!
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TB:
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Fortune has forsaken our meagre terra firma! You must not tax our tender!
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Da Arse is out of ‘er!
You can’t squeeze codfish from a turnip!
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CSBT:
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Our requitement will only be known at the hour of our luxury –delivered naught in vindicant atonement to your pleasure’s demand!
We shall reconvene in 6 weeks hence – by the Fates! |
We’ll tell ya what we wants, and when we wants it – and not a minute before!
Be at the Ballfield – 3:30 – after school – Dere’s gonna be some bloody racket buddy! Oh My Son – Lookout!!!
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I may have abandoned some of the details, but I think mine has a better ring to it.
What do you think?
